Finally moving out of the shit hole apartment that I’ve been staying in for the last 3 months. Hello two story house, with a dishwasher and garbage disposal, as well as a washer and dryer. Also, can I get a “fuck yeah!” for the MASSIVE room I scored that includes TWO WALK IN MOTHERFUCKING CLOSETS?! We also got a free couch and day bed in the deal :). Time for some much needed sleep, tomorrow is going to be stressful….
The one day where I could really do with a not fucked up night, I fuck up. All the positivity that I had built up today to buffer myself with is just gone. I’m so tired of this.
Working on my birthday mix (I’m 22 today, guys! Holy crap!!) currently. Keep an eye out for a link, later!
My birthday…
…is on Saturday. I turn 22. Honestly, I wish it wasn’t my birthday so soon. I don’t have time for it, and everyone wants me to make plans or do something and I’m too concerned with getting this house and figuring out moving plans to even begin thinking about celebrating!! Birthday, can you just…not right now. Like, maybe next week we can try this out? Ugh.
I’m not sure if I’ve ever shared my little rant on here about how my skin fucking hates me…but I have further proof.
Basically, my skin is sensitive as…there is no comparison, really. If I’m in the sun for too long, I get a rash -that is worse each time I get because it picks up where it left off before. I can get in grown hairs anywhere and for no reason. I can also get zits anywhere and for no reason. I have a giant fucking crater of a pore on my chin that people constantly ask about because who the fuck else has such a thing!? My skin hates me. It purposefully sets out to destroy what little self confidence I have gathered and is the reason “Someday I’ll be beautiful” is my nightly mantra.
Today, I discovered A FUCKING PIMPLE ON MY LIP. Not right above my lip, and encompasses the lip from swelling, but on my actual lip. Why. The. Fuck. Do. You. Do. This. To. Me. And how does that even happen?!
So until anyone else experiences the same bullshit that I do with my skin, do not fucking ever tell me “OMG shut up! You ARE beautiful!!” Because I will never, ever fucking feel beautiful until this shit stops. And even then, I will have scars dating back to 5th freaking grade, and humongous pores that will never go away. I very highly doubt that I will ever truly feel beautiful because my skin will always be a disaster in one way or another and I will always hate it.
I have made some serious progress on this damn paper. I’ve also fallen in love with the woman I’m researching. For an example of extreme fandom, just drop me a line. Ugh. I feel like I’ve reached the end of my productivity for the day. I left myself some notes on my paper to help guide me tomorrow. I just need to think and brainstorm at this point about what’s next and what I want to do. Everytime I start working on this thing, I change directions and motives. My fear is that my paper is beginning to sound more like a devotional to the artist, rather than a critique of her work. Faaaahhhcckkkk.
well, i started to go back through my archive to tag photos of myself so that they’d be easier to find…but yeah, no patience for that shit. but anyway, if you to to ohelephanttt.tumblr.com/tagged/crookedlegs that’s where you’ll find all my selfies! for anyone that cares!
dudedudedude. I got a 96/100 on my second art history exam!! I now have an A- in that class, which I did not foresee AT ALL.
And then I ruined it by high fiving my roomie when he was trying to fist bump. I am a moron.
today’s thoughts:
1. i am perpetrating the belief that i look abnormal due to my tattoos and piercings by calling non-inked and non-pierced people “normal”. need to stop this.
2. can i write a killer paper on consumerism in america and how it relates to art/art can make a statement about the issue and draw needed attention and criticism to it in two weeks?
3. what repercussions would there be if i called cps on my upstairs neighbors??
4. how do i get society as a whole to stop using sexist as fuck phrases, like, “you throw like a girl!!”. also, how do i point out to people that they shouldn’t use such phrases because it’s sexist as fuck and puts me down as a human being without screaming at them about the obviousness of their error?
5. how have i managed not to kill anyone thus far in my life?
got a lil’ nap in before the neighbors from hell came home and started throwing shit down the stairs -literally, well, not shit, but literally throwing things down the stairs. i am telling you, these assholes are fucking neanderthals. anyway. made a healthy dinner, got some homework done, talked to my love, doin’ good things for my skin and makin future plans.
maybe life is okay, after all.
